Thursday, April 14, 2005

Fiddle Riddles + 2 Fiddle Jokes

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.
The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"

How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
Neither one strikes in the same place twice

How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.

How can you tell the difference between old-time fiddle tunes?
By their names…

What is the definition of perfect pitch?
Throwing a fiddle into a toilet without hitting the seat.

What's the difference between a fiddle and a Chain Saw?
You can turn a chain saw off.

What's the difference between a fiddler playing in "D" and a locksmith?
A locksmith knows how to change keys, and can get paid for it !

What's the difference between a fiddle and a Harley Davidson Motorcycle?
You can tune a Harley.

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A fiddle is fun to listen to.
.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.

."Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

Did you hear about the violinist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one


Why did God give drummers 10% more brains than horses?
So they would not crap during the parade.

What's the relative minor?
The guitar player's girlfriend.

How do you know the singer's in jail?
He's behind a few bars and can't find the key

How is a banjo like a hand grenade?
By the time you hear the noise, it’s too late!

What did a drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool

What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone who can play the banjo.........but doesn't!

How many bodhran players does it take to change a light bulb?
twenty
One holds the bulb and the rest is drinking until the ceiling starts to go round

How many trad musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
None - change is BAD!
Besides, we can play in the dark, anyway

How many traditional folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three - one to change the bulb and the other two to sing about how great the old bulb was.

Bloke walks into a session in Belfast with a circular cardboard box.
Everyone looks nervous. The fiddle player finally asks nervously, "What's in the box?".
The bloke says "It's a bomb".
Everyone relaxs and the fiddle player says "Thank Chr##t, we thought it was a bodhran".

How do you get two whistle players in tune?
Shoot one.

What’s the difference between a fiddle and a dog? One knows when to stop scratching.

What's the difference between a violinist and a fiddler?
The vile-din they play.

What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
People remove their shoes before jumping on the trampoline.

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Finally--Some fiddle jokes I can use in a family-oriented newsletter. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Hi, thanks - I'm m.cing for a fiddle club concert on Sat (just found out today). Your jokes will help me through!! Wish me luck :)
Brenda

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